Accept, forgive, and release for inner peace

There are some people in our lives that we don’t understand. I don’t understand the way some people think, how they behave, or their motives. I don’t agree with many of their opinions or ideas. They can seem  unsupportive, rude, and just plain mean. When in the presence of such people we often get angry, annoyed, upset, and defensive. And unfortunately, there are some people that will always be in our lives so we must learn to deal with them and keep ourselves at peace.

A wise friend recently said something that really resonated with me. “Some people never change. They are who they are and you cannot change them. You don’t need to understand them and you don’t need to agree with them. You just need to accept them. Accept them for who they are.” Acceptance, huh? I thought about this for a while and I kept coming back to the idea of perception. A Course in Miracles says that a miracle is a change in perception. This would definitely qualify as a miracle if I could change my perception about such people! I added forgiveness and release to the acceptance process because I really feel those steps are necessary as well.

My steps to acceptance:

1. Why are they the way they are? What has caused them to lose sight of love and be bitter? What have they had to deal with in their lives that could explain their personalities?

2. Empathy

3. Acceptance. “I accept you for your authentic and real self. I accept that I don’t always understand you. I accept that we are different and that is ok. I accept that I cannot and should not change you. I accept you for you and for all the reasons that made you, you.”

Steps to forgiveness:

1. Without getting yourself all worked up, how have these people wronged or hurt you?

2. Chose to change your perception about these situations and see how you could have been at fault instead of the other person.

3. Go deep and feel the feelings that come up for you. Breathe through it and release them. Holding onto these feelings will not bring you closer to inner peace.

4. Forgive: "I accept you and I forgive you. I will leave all ill feelings in the past". 
Ask for forgiveness:“I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” (this is a pretty well known Hawaiian mantra for forgiveness.” FEEL this.

Understand that forgiveness does NOT mean you are condoning anyone’s behavior. You are just choosing to forgive in order to release.

The subsequent release of ill feelings and thoughts will naturally occur. Use meditation to relax your mind and soul and picture yourself physically releasing the person/people. Gabrielle Bernstein has some useful guided meditations.A HerFuture.com lady suggested a meditation where you extend a loving light from you to other people sending them love and receiving more love in return. Another mentioned envisioning roses all around her sucking up the negative energy and replenishing her with positive energy. In meditation, the possibilities are endless.

For me this will be a long process. I have a lot of pent up anger. It will take work and a true commitment. It’s worth it in the long run J

Here’s to changing perceptions and miracles.

<3 Live, Love, Miracles

When people show you who they are . . .

The quote goes like this" When people show you who they really are, believe them."
Many times in life we have uneasy encounters with friends, family, and acquaintances. We chock it up to a bad day or a sickness. But how many times do you think to yourself, "Wow, I wonder if this is really who this person is"? Probably not often.

I heard Oprah say this on one of her Lifeclass episodes. (If you haven't checked it out yet, I highly recommend you do!). Anyway, when she said this, it really stung and resonated with me. I kept repeating it over and over again in my head. I even told my husband (he just nodded). But boy was this true! When a loved one abuses your loyalty, trust, or love, STOP making excuses. Look at the situation closely and think whether this could potentially be his/her authentic self coming through.

Here is a simple example. A friend does something cruel to someone else and says to you "Wow, I'm a bit&*". And you probably say "No, no, they had it coming." Whether they did or didn't have it coming, she just told you who she really is...believe it.

Here is another great example. A friend of mine was dealing with a cheating boyfriend.  She made excuses and tried frantically to figure out how she was to blame for his infidelities. He cheated more than a few times so it wasn't a mistake or an accident (or whatever other excuse you can come up with). The truth of the matter is that this was who he really was. A dishonest man! He clearly showed her who he was. The rest was up to her. She quickly realized that even if she took him back, it would continue to happen because this was his true self. Before everyone gets their panties in a knot, I am completely aware of the fact that every person is different and so is every situation. However, people are ALWAYS showing us their authentic selves. We either choose to see it or not. Sometimes it is easier to avert your eyes but eventually you will have to face it.

So pay attention to what people are showing and telling you about who they really are and believe them.